It’s time we talked about bodily fluids

15km today, and a lovely bimbly run which I enjoyed a lot.

I did have to stop for a wee at one point. This, of course, means I have to tell you another important fact about the French.

Specifically French men.

French men have no shame when it comes to weeing in public. None at all. Not a jot. I’m not sure if it’s genetic or cultural, but if you drive through France keep an eye on the roadsides for blokes merrily weeing in full view of the traffic streaming (heh heh!) past. I personally can’t wee in public. I can only wee if I’m in a bathroom and the door is locked.

In fact, I can’t wee in a locked bathroom if there’s someone hovering outside. That freaks me out too.

Actually, If I’m being honest I prefer to wee when there’s nobody else in the house.

Or within 3 miles of the house.

Thinking about it, if there was a nuclear war and it reduced civilization to a a handful of people dotted across featureless nuclear deserts, then one fringe benefit would be the opportunity to have a really good peaceful wee.

Anyway, standing in full view of passing cars clutching my danglies fills me with dread. But as any runner will tell you, like Paula Radcliff when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go. Unlike Paula though I plunged headlong through hedges and gullies as I tried to find refuge far from the road. Paula would have just let it go there and then. I admire her for that.

While we’re (I’m) talking about wee I have to bring up the general state of public French urinals. OH MY GOD. I don’t think I’ve ever been into a French public toilet and not staggered out afterwards with a handkerchief over my mouth, sobbing in fear, desperately begging nearby people for assistance. You’d have thought the average French male would be well practised in directing the flow of his bodily fluids considering they happily do it in full view of the public and must pick up tips from one another. But go into a French urinal and I can only assume most French men stand in the middle and twirl like Julie Andrews on a hillside in the Sound of Music. Only this time the hills aren’t alive with the sound of music, oh dear god no.

Now I’m feeling a bit sick.

Still, it was a decent run. I still looked like an idiot in my sunglasses, but I’m getting used to that now.

Until tomorrow!

3 thoughts on “It’s time we talked about bodily fluids

  1. henniemavis says:

    HA, I didn’t think you could possibly write anything funnier than Loose Pigfest & the Lost Lens… but now you wrote about wee. And it’s only Day 8! Wee on Day 8 puts you at serious risk for running out of good material before 31 days are up, sir. Best pace yourself?

    Thank God none of your rural French neighbors read English, cuz if your blog gets out, the staring will only get worse! (I just woke my husband from laughing aloud at my laptop as I read. Scolded, I shall now have to limit reading your blog to daytime hours only.)

    Happy running tomorrow!

  2. I love reading your blogs – the French are amazing and believe you me the women are no better in les toilettes! Well done on 15k on day 8 – I was reminded of you yesterday as I came across a runner wearing sunglasses which made me chuckle!

  3. Maggiee says:

    Ha ha ha ha… Seriously, so glad I have read this! Brilliant!! I have never read something quite so eloquent and hilarious and about wee all at the same time!!

    Good luck with the rest of janathon… I’m looking forward to what else we’ll be treated to! 🙂

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